Final Appointment with Endo

So, I'm not so happy today.  My endo took one last set of labs and will bump my meds accordingly.... and then I'll come back in SIX MONTHS.  Are you serious?!?!?!?!?!  Hello.... you promised me you'd test me every 4 weeks till we get my levels right.  How in the world can you be certain that I'm going to be leveled out already?!?!?!?!?  So... on the rollercoaster of being undermedicated I will go.  This is just not fair!!  I am SO TIRED and all I do is cry.  I'm so depressed.  And my body hurts... I am so tired of my back hurting... I'm just so freaking tired of being freaking tired!!!!!!

A Clean Scan!!!!!

They had me eat a couple crackers and drink some water just to get salivary glands moving.... he said just in case there was some built up in there.  I laid on a long table... the machine was sort of like a CT scan, it had the circular part but also had big squares in front that hung over top of you.  Hard to explain, you'll see.  If you've ever had a MRI its not like that... you are not encased, and its not loud.  They laid me on my back with pillows to hold my chest high so my head would go way back and neck fully exposed.  He said when you think you couldnt possibly be more  uncomfortable, then we have ya positions right.  But honestly it wasnt that big of a deal!  They velcroed me in so I wouldnt move.  The entire process took about 40 mins.  He'd holler at me every few mins, but I think at some point I fell asleep even!  LoL!! 

The nuclear med doc came in to talk to me after my scan... and he only saw uptake where he expected to see it!!!!  WWOOHOHHHHOOOOOOO!!!!!  I was doing my best to not think about it but I was VERY concerned about finding more.  Thank you Jesus!!!

Now I need some more Synthroid with lots of energy, a job quickly, a clean house that can stay for more than 35 mins, and LOTS OF MONEY!!!!  LoL!!  Really, I just need my happiness back!!  I've been through so much the past year... these past 6 months have been horrid!!  I just want this year over and to be able to start over.  Unfortunatley life does not offer do-overs!  But we can look to the Lord and believe He will help us through and BELIEVE HE has a master plan to make you... to make me... the best person we could possibly be.  Do I understand why I've had to go through this... not one bit... but if I open my heart and my ears and listen to what the Lord is trying to say I KNOW AND BELIEVE that I can be the better, happier, loving, mother and wife I could possibly be.

Romans 8:28

More Than Conquerors!!!!!!!

28And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him,^j who^k have been called according to his purpose. 29For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. 30And those he predestined, he also called; those he called, he also justified; those he justified, he also glorified.

31What, then, shall we say in response to this? If God is for us, who can be against us? 32He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? 33Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. 34Who is he that condemns? Christ Jesus, who died—more than that, who was raised to life—is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us. 35Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? 36As it is written:

“For your sake we face death all day long;

we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered.”^l

Hopefully the Day of Closure

So, I finally made it!  I get my whole body scan today.  I'm so exhausted I cant even be excited.  I'm absolutely wore out - mentally, physically, and especially emotionally.  I really need to hear ok no more cancer, we saw what we needed, go and claim back your life.  If those are not the words I hear, they may just need to keep me there at the hospital because I believe I'll totally break down.  I'm just not able to handle much more. 

I went to the surgeon for our post-op check up finally.  He said all was good.  The cancer was contained to the nodules, with no lymph nodes mets.  That's good news.  He also took a look at my vocal cords since I still do not have much more of a voice than Marge Simpon's sister.  He sprayed some type of numbing spray in my nose and let it sit 4 or 5 minutes to get everything numb.  Then he took a little hose with a camera on the end of it and stuck it up my nose, through sinus cavity and down my throat.  He said my right vocal cord is moving, just not as much as it should.  It appears its in the process of healing.  He could do some type of injections that would push it out to assist it to be where it needs to be, but recommended we wait 4-6 weeks to see if we have some improvement.  If for some reason I'm unable to find a job, or my healing does not progress I can call at any time to have this very minor surgery scheduled.  Oh... not more crap to do.

This week has been difficult trying to distance myself from the kids.  Chris wont come near me, but baby Chris wants to lay right in my lap.  Just like he's become accustomed to.  On day 7, 8 I'd let him sit on my lap for a little while but of course stressed the entire time.  My sweet Casey bear would come in every day remembering that we're counting the seconds of a hug we get.  He misses me too!!  Now the two older ones, I'm not sure if they really missed me, or if they are just tired of helping out.  I sure with this experience would open every one's eyes as to how much I do around here, and give them an appreciation for me.  But I don't see it.  I supposed I never will.... they never will. 

I have been trying my best to stay positive and be in a good mood but its so difficult lately.  I know I'm lucky that I am not totally hypo... that yes, I'm on some Sythroid... but I feel like total crap.  All I can do is cry!  I need a higher dose, or maybe something totally different.  I don't know but I'm tired of feeling so darned depressed.  I know the Lord has a wonderful lesson to be learned from this, but unfortunately I think its making me more bitter.  Please everyone pray for me that I find my forgiveness and my love.  Please pray I get an ALL CLEAR this afternoon for my scan.

You may be curious how my scar is looking 6 weeks post-op.  Its actually looking pretty good.  The color is a bit darker than I'd like, but its becoming very flat.  Once the scar heals all the way, the color will fade and I'm confident I'll never see it!  I'll do my best to post a picture later today.

We're Almost Done!!! I Hope...

I made it through 5 days of being isolated... the first 2 in the hospital were actually easier than at home.  I could hear everyone and would especially be painful when I heard the baby... I didnt want him to know I was here because I was afraid he'd be banging on the bedroom door.  Casey would go outside and would ring the doorbell for fun.  Baby Chris would think it was me at the door.  He'd go running happily toward the door hollering MAMA!!  MAMA!!  But, no mama.  That made me so freaking upset! 

Yesterday I came downstairstair making everyone stay away.  Everyone helped keep baby Chris away and it was nice being in population again.  So today has been tough.  Daycare was closed, and we had no where else to take the baby so Phil stayed home from school to help me watch him since I still need to keep him minimum 3 feet away.  Its still very hard.  He tried getting me this morning and my sly steps away from him ended up me running from him.  He caught me, smacked me, and said "youre bad"!!!  I started crying.  I cant wait for this all to truely be over!!!

Tomorrow I finally go to see the surgeon, and hopefully he can do something about my voice.  Its still far from working properly.  Its a bit better than it was 6 weeks ago, but still not good enough for me to be confident enough to look for a job.  Then Friday I go for my whole body scan.... AND I'LL FINALLY BE OFF THIS DARNED LOW IODINE HELL DIET!!!!!  We pray, and expect, the cancer to have been contained only in thyroid area... and then I'll be cleared to try to be normal again!!!  This has been such an ordeal on all of us... I know we'll all be happy to hear we're done to be in our normal disfunctional state rather than this crazy living we've been subjected to. 

The light really is at the end of the tunnel and its getting closer!!!

Hot Mama - Glowing 24 Hours Now

When I first got to the hospital there was some confusion.  Nuclear medicine knew I was here, and the nurses, but aparently the physicians did not.  I got here at 1:00 but it was about 4:30 by the time they got my orders for the isolation and dose.  MUSC is a teaching hospital, and alot of the nurses and even docs seem almost amazed by what I'm having done.  They came in with a geiger counter and immediate I was lighting up the scale.  Immediately at 1' I was showing 97 whatevers, 3' was 34

So far its been so good... I guess... It certainly could be a ton worse.  I've been in here 24 hours now and overall I'm ok.  I havent had any naseau so far.... I did wake up in the middle of the night with my salivary glands HUGE and PAINFUL!!  I've been drinking water, and sucking on my sour jolly ranchers, but it must not be enough.  I look like a big fat chipmunk and I can only imagine what I looked like last night.  I was in alot of pain last night. The swelling today is not near as bad but it still hurts.  I guess I could show you a picture... but I look even worse than I did after surgery!  LoL~ 

If you see my jaws are much more round than they normally are!  Its no fun having these glands swollen like this!  When I woke up last night I drank and drank water... started massaging them which did give immediate relief.  I'd massage, use heat packs, which would continue to give immediate relief, but kept me up all night!!

The nuclear safety guy came in again today and took some measurements with his geiger counter.  Yesterday at 1' I was at 97, and today I'm at 17.  He actually hung out with me and explained to me in detail about RAI and how I'll not "contaminate" anything after 2-3 days.  Yes, I'll still radiate, but not contaminate.  So I'll go home tomorrow and just as a precaution to help protect the kids, I'll stay quarantined at home until Monday.  We will still send Chris to the daycare next week since he loves to hang out with me.  The safety guys said by the end of that week I'll be more than fine to resume normal activity even with baby Chris.

I'll be SO happy to eat some normal food!  Noisy Oyster... I want some shrimp n grits please!!!  LoL!!!

It's D-Day... Destruction!!

I'm heading for my RAI this afternoon.  I'm very very nervous.  I hope they let me keep my laptop.  The nuclear nurse said it was fine, but sometimes this place seems so unorganized I just have this horrible feeling they are going to take it away.  I'm very tired as I didnt sleep much last night.  Hopefully I'll be able to sleep through most of this.  I just wish I knew how it all worked!!  I wish I had a better understanding of how it spreads and how it would "infect" others.  It just doesnt seem right that they are having me injest this radiation.  My mind just cannot seem to get around it!!

I will tell you this much too... I AM SO HAPPY ONLY A COUPLE MORE DAY OF THE STUPID LID DIET!!!  I did very good and didnt cheat at all.  It was even quite easy the first week... week and half... but boy oh boy I've been tired of it for several days now.  I'm ready for some freaking food!!!!

I'll post more later... as long as they dont take my laptop.