Monday, Aug 23 - I'm finally called with all the details of my surgery. I hate how all the doctors down here in SC make you wait on them to schedule all of your appointments. Why cant I just do it myself and get it over with. So, surgery...It will be next Tuesday. Wow. Ok. Its here. I'm scared. I'm ready to get it over with. I need to get laundry caught up. I need to call the daycare to get baby Chris schedule for a drop in. I need to get a menu put together for the family to eat. Wait why is this extra work on me? Oh, I'm the mom. Duh.
The rest of this week was absolute mental hell on me. All I could do is think about having my neck sliced open. All I could think about is how unfair it was for me to be going through this. I was very negative this week. It was very difficult for me to be positive. Here I am 600 miles away from anyone that cares.... and then convinced myself no one would care if I were home in Cincinnati either, so what was the difference. I was angry and scared beyond belief. I was a complete horror of a person to my husband and kids. I needed them more than ever, but made myself a bear to be around. This is not the first surgery I ever had, but all I could do is dwell on what bad could happen. All I could do is dwell on the risks. Knowing this surgery had a more than satisfactory outcome I still only wanted to think of the negative. My husband was not being what I thought he should. I was simply angry this week. I cried all week long and made it nearly impossible for anyone to be around me. Even the people in the various thyroid forums that I posted in, felt my anxiety and were telling me to please settle down.
The anxiety of this week is what prompted me to make this blog. It helped me tremendously to hear everyone else's story so I figured I'd lay mine out there for everyone to see. If you are one of the calm cool and collected ones out there that deal with stress then you'll probably think I'm half crazy. Because that nasty C word truely has pushed me over the edge of sanity!
So here I am.... the last night I'll ever have to be out without looking like Frankenstein. It was incidentilly NOT a great night. You'd think the night would have been all about me but who am I to think anything should be about me??? But of course instead of going with the flow I threw a fit... and "CHOOSE" not to have fun that night. Well I have a smile so I must have started the night off in a good mood.
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