I woke up this morning and found myself in bed. I must have broken down and went upstairs to bed knowing I needed held through the night. I cant explain how I felt... but I can even still feel it now. Anger for having to go through this, anger for no one babying me as much as I wanted, fear of surgery itself, fear of anesthesia, worried about how my family would survive without me, worried how bad my scar would look, worried about insurance fighting to pay, worried if I'll be able to talk, happy to be getting on with it, simply pissed off that this is happening to me.
But, my husband and kids woke up with a wonderful loving demeanor. They put me fully at ease!! DD14 wanted to go to the hospital during surgery so we let her stay home from school. She likes to be on top of the action... I'm sure she will be the control freak her mama is... poor thing! DS16 went to school... we got DS6 on the bus for school... and then started getting ready. Chris and Courtney were being very loving and I was actually MUCH less upset than just a few short hours prior. We dropped off DS1 at daycare and headed downtown.
Of course we sit on the highway... after 30 mins and only 1 mile I had to call the hospital and tell them I'd likely be late. They understood and we continued. We finally found the hospital, confused where to park, all turned around. The MUSC hospital is a large campus. We found the parking garage, and after help, we found the door to the surgery admittance. The waiting room was full. They had a neat system that Courtney and Chris could check on a big TV to see my progress.
The next 10 mins were agonizing. Wait to be called back. Wait... wait... what time is it... oh only 3 mins later than last time...LoL! "CARRIE BROWN"... deep breath!!! I have to go back by myself so they can get me prepped... then family can come back to say good BYE... eerrr I mean LUCK!! LoL!
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