So I didnt realize I havent posted in so long. Just to sum up the past several weeks, I am now on 138mcgs of Synthroid, I'm cold most of the time, and sleepier than I used to be, but not so tired I cant function. I believe my dose is pretty close to right, maybe needing a small adjustment, but I'll just wait I guess. Maybe after the new year I'll try going to my regular DO doc, who I know is willing to keep an open mind. I'm curious where my levels are too. I may still be far from what I'm supposed to, but I'm so much better than I was so I'm good.
I did find a job so that is awesome!!! My voice is getting better... although it strains very easily. Sometimes I sound perfectly normal, other days I wake up and sound like a lifelong smoker. I definatley have great improvement though so if you are like me, and worried about the return of your voice IT WILL RETURN! I thought no way because my voice was so bad, but its better every day! I can almost scream again! LoL!!
Looking back on this year, its been a rough one! I feel like theres not much more I can have to endure to say I've done it all. I'm looking for the good Lord to bestow on me lots of blessings next year. I'm at the end of my ability to handle anymore so only good from here on out right?!?!?!?!?
HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!
Thursday, December 30, 2010
Thursday, October 21, 2010
Final Appointment with Endo
So, I'm not so happy today. My endo took one last set of labs and will bump my meds accordingly.... and then I'll come back in SIX MONTHS. Are you serious?!?!?!?!?! Hello.... you promised me you'd test me every 4 weeks till we get my levels right. How in the world can you be certain that I'm going to be leveled out already?!?!?!?!? So... on the rollercoaster of being undermedicated I will go. This is just not fair!! I am SO TIRED and all I do is cry. I'm so depressed. And my body hurts... I am so tired of my back hurting... I'm just so freaking tired of being freaking tired!!!!!!
Saturday, October 16, 2010
A Clean Scan!!!!!
They had me eat a couple crackers and drink some water just to get salivary glands moving.... he said just in case there was some built up in there. I laid on a long table... the machine was sort of like a CT scan, it had the circular part but also had big squares in front that hung over top of you. Hard to explain, you'll see. If you've ever had a MRI its not like that... you are not encased, and its not loud. They laid me on my back with pillows to hold my chest high so my head would go way back and neck fully exposed. He said when you think you couldnt possibly be more uncomfortable, then we have ya positions right. But honestly it wasnt that big of a deal! They velcroed me in so I wouldnt move. The entire process took about 40 mins. He'd holler at me every few mins, but I think at some point I fell asleep even! LoL!!
The nuclear med doc came in to talk to me after my scan... and he only saw uptake where he expected to see it!!!! WWOOHOHHHHOOOOOOO!!!!! I was doing my best to not think about it but I was VERY concerned about finding more. Thank you Jesus!!!
Now I need some more Synthroid with lots of energy, a job quickly, a clean house that can stay for more than 35 mins, and LOTS OF MONEY!!!! LoL!! Really, I just need my happiness back!! I've been through so much the past year... these past 6 months have been horrid!! I just want this year over and to be able to start over. Unfortunatley life does not offer do-overs! But we can look to the Lord and believe He will help us through and BELIEVE HE has a master plan to make you... to make me... the best person we could possibly be. Do I understand why I've had to go through this... not one bit... but if I open my heart and my ears and listen to what the Lord is trying to say I KNOW AND BELIEVE that I can be the better, happier, loving, mother and wife I could possibly be.
Romans 8:28
The nuclear med doc came in to talk to me after my scan... and he only saw uptake where he expected to see it!!!! WWOOHOHHHHOOOOOOO!!!!! I was doing my best to not think about it but I was VERY concerned about finding more. Thank you Jesus!!!
Now I need some more Synthroid with lots of energy, a job quickly, a clean house that can stay for more than 35 mins, and LOTS OF MONEY!!!! LoL!! Really, I just need my happiness back!! I've been through so much the past year... these past 6 months have been horrid!! I just want this year over and to be able to start over. Unfortunatley life does not offer do-overs! But we can look to the Lord and believe He will help us through and BELIEVE HE has a master plan to make you... to make me... the best person we could possibly be. Do I understand why I've had to go through this... not one bit... but if I open my heart and my ears and listen to what the Lord is trying to say I KNOW AND BELIEVE that I can be the better, happier, loving, mother and wife I could possibly be.
Romans 8:28
More Than Conquerors!!!!!!!
28And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him,j whok have been called according to his purpose. 29For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. 30And those he predestined, he also called; those he called, he also justified; those he justified, he also glorified.
31What, then, shall we say in response to this? If God is for us, who can be against us? 32He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? 33Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. 34Who is he that condemns? Christ Jesus, who died—more than that, who was raised to life—is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us. 35Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? 36As it is written:
“For your sake we face death all day long;
we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered.”l
Friday, October 15, 2010
Hopefully the Day of Closure
So, I finally made it! I get my whole body scan today. I'm so exhausted I cant even be excited. I'm absolutely wore out - mentally, physically, and especially emotionally. I really need to hear ok no more cancer, we saw what we needed, go and claim back your life. If those are not the words I hear, they may just need to keep me there at the hospital because I believe I'll totally break down. I'm just not able to handle much more.
I went to the surgeon for our post-op check up finally. He said all was good. The cancer was contained to the nodules, with no lymph nodes mets. That's good news. He also took a look at my vocal cords since I still do not have much more of a voice than Marge Simpon's sister. He sprayed some type of numbing spray in my nose and let it sit 4 or 5 minutes to get everything numb. Then he took a little hose with a camera on the end of it and stuck it up my nose, through sinus cavity and down my throat. He said my right vocal cord is moving, just not as much as it should. It appears its in the process of healing. He could do some type of injections that would push it out to assist it to be where it needs to be, but recommended we wait 4-6 weeks to see if we have some improvement. If for some reason I'm unable to find a job, or my healing does not progress I can call at any time to have this very minor surgery scheduled. Oh... not more crap to do.
This week has been difficult trying to distance myself from the kids. Chris wont come near me, but baby Chris wants to lay right in my lap. Just like he's become accustomed to. On day 7, 8 I'd let him sit on my lap for a little while but of course stressed the entire time. My sweet Casey bear would come in every day remembering that we're counting the seconds of a hug we get. He misses me too!! Now the two older ones, I'm not sure if they really missed me, or if they are just tired of helping out. I sure with this experience would open every one's eyes as to how much I do around here, and give them an appreciation for me. But I don't see it. I supposed I never will.... they never will.
I have been trying my best to stay positive and be in a good mood but its so difficult lately. I know I'm lucky that I am not totally hypo... that yes, I'm on some Sythroid... but I feel like total crap. All I can do is cry! I need a higher dose, or maybe something totally different. I don't know but I'm tired of feeling so darned depressed. I know the Lord has a wonderful lesson to be learned from this, but unfortunately I think its making me more bitter. Please everyone pray for me that I find my forgiveness and my love. Please pray I get an ALL CLEAR this afternoon for my scan.
You may be curious how my scar is looking 6 weeks post-op. Its actually looking pretty good. The color is a bit darker than I'd like, but its becoming very flat. Once the scar heals all the way, the color will fade and I'm confident I'll never see it! I'll do my best to post a picture later today.
I went to the surgeon for our post-op check up finally. He said all was good. The cancer was contained to the nodules, with no lymph nodes mets. That's good news. He also took a look at my vocal cords since I still do not have much more of a voice than Marge Simpon's sister. He sprayed some type of numbing spray in my nose and let it sit 4 or 5 minutes to get everything numb. Then he took a little hose with a camera on the end of it and stuck it up my nose, through sinus cavity and down my throat. He said my right vocal cord is moving, just not as much as it should. It appears its in the process of healing. He could do some type of injections that would push it out to assist it to be where it needs to be, but recommended we wait 4-6 weeks to see if we have some improvement. If for some reason I'm unable to find a job, or my healing does not progress I can call at any time to have this very minor surgery scheduled. Oh... not more crap to do.
This week has been difficult trying to distance myself from the kids. Chris wont come near me, but baby Chris wants to lay right in my lap. Just like he's become accustomed to. On day 7, 8 I'd let him sit on my lap for a little while but of course stressed the entire time. My sweet Casey bear would come in every day remembering that we're counting the seconds of a hug we get. He misses me too!! Now the two older ones, I'm not sure if they really missed me, or if they are just tired of helping out. I sure with this experience would open every one's eyes as to how much I do around here, and give them an appreciation for me. But I don't see it. I supposed I never will.... they never will.
I have been trying my best to stay positive and be in a good mood but its so difficult lately. I know I'm lucky that I am not totally hypo... that yes, I'm on some Sythroid... but I feel like total crap. All I can do is cry! I need a higher dose, or maybe something totally different. I don't know but I'm tired of feeling so darned depressed. I know the Lord has a wonderful lesson to be learned from this, but unfortunately I think its making me more bitter. Please everyone pray for me that I find my forgiveness and my love. Please pray I get an ALL CLEAR this afternoon for my scan.
You may be curious how my scar is looking 6 weeks post-op. Its actually looking pretty good. The color is a bit darker than I'd like, but its becoming very flat. Once the scar heals all the way, the color will fade and I'm confident I'll never see it! I'll do my best to post a picture later today.
Monday, October 11, 2010
We're Almost Done!!! I Hope...
I made it through 5 days of being isolated... the first 2 in the hospital were actually easier than at home. I could hear everyone and would especially be painful when I heard the baby... I didnt want him to know I was here because I was afraid he'd be banging on the bedroom door. Casey would go outside and would ring the doorbell for fun. Baby Chris would think it was me at the door. He'd go running happily toward the door hollering MAMA!! MAMA!! But, no mama. That made me so freaking upset!
Yesterday I came downstairstair making everyone stay away. Everyone helped keep baby Chris away and it was nice being in population again. So today has been tough. Daycare was closed, and we had no where else to take the baby so Phil stayed home from school to help me watch him since I still need to keep him minimum 3 feet away. Its still very hard. He tried getting me this morning and my sly steps away from him ended up me running from him. He caught me, smacked me, and said "youre bad"!!! I started crying. I cant wait for this all to truely be over!!!
Tomorrow I finally go to see the surgeon, and hopefully he can do something about my voice. Its still far from working properly. Its a bit better than it was 6 weeks ago, but still not good enough for me to be confident enough to look for a job. Then Friday I go for my whole body scan.... AND I'LL FINALLY BE OFF THIS DARNED LOW IODINE HELL DIET!!!!! We pray, and expect, the cancer to have been contained only in thyroid area... and then I'll be cleared to try to be normal again!!! This has been such an ordeal on all of us... I know we'll all be happy to hear we're done to be in our normal disfunctional state rather than this crazy living we've been subjected to.
The light really is at the end of the tunnel and its getting closer!!!
Yesterday I came downstairstair making everyone stay away. Everyone helped keep baby Chris away and it was nice being in population again. So today has been tough. Daycare was closed, and we had no where else to take the baby so Phil stayed home from school to help me watch him since I still need to keep him minimum 3 feet away. Its still very hard. He tried getting me this morning and my sly steps away from him ended up me running from him. He caught me, smacked me, and said "youre bad"!!! I started crying. I cant wait for this all to truely be over!!!
Tomorrow I finally go to see the surgeon, and hopefully he can do something about my voice. Its still far from working properly. Its a bit better than it was 6 weeks ago, but still not good enough for me to be confident enough to look for a job. Then Friday I go for my whole body scan.... AND I'LL FINALLY BE OFF THIS DARNED LOW IODINE HELL DIET!!!!! We pray, and expect, the cancer to have been contained only in thyroid area... and then I'll be cleared to try to be normal again!!! This has been such an ordeal on all of us... I know we'll all be happy to hear we're done to be in our normal disfunctional state rather than this crazy living we've been subjected to.
The light really is at the end of the tunnel and its getting closer!!!
Thursday, October 7, 2010
Hot Mama - Glowing 24 Hours Now
When I first got to the hospital there was some confusion. Nuclear medicine knew I was here, and the nurses, but aparently the physicians did not. I got here at 1:00 but it was about 4:30 by the time they got my orders for the isolation and dose. MUSC is a teaching hospital, and alot of the nurses and even docs seem almost amazed by what I'm having done. They came in with a geiger counter and immediate I was lighting up the scale. Immediately at 1' I was showing 97 whatevers, 3' was 34
So far its been so good... I guess... It certainly could be a ton worse. I've been in here 24 hours now and overall I'm ok. I havent had any naseau so far.... I did wake up in the middle of the night with my salivary glands HUGE and PAINFUL!! I've been drinking water, and sucking on my sour jolly ranchers, but it must not be enough. I look like a big fat chipmunk and I can only imagine what I looked like last night. I was in alot of pain last night. The swelling today is not near as bad but it still hurts. I guess I could show you a picture... but I look even worse than I did after surgery! LoL~
If you see my jaws are much more round than they normally are! Its no fun having these glands swollen like this! When I woke up last night I drank and drank water... started massaging them which did give immediate relief. I'd massage, use heat packs, which would continue to give immediate relief, but kept me up all night!!
The nuclear safety guy came in again today and took some measurements with his geiger counter. Yesterday at 1' I was at 97, and today I'm at 17. He actually hung out with me and explained to me in detail about RAI and how I'll not "contaminate" anything after 2-3 days. Yes, I'll still radiate, but not contaminate. So I'll go home tomorrow and just as a precaution to help protect the kids, I'll stay quarantined at home until Monday. We will still send Chris to the daycare next week since he loves to hang out with me. The safety guys said by the end of that week I'll be more than fine to resume normal activity even with baby Chris.
I'll be SO happy to eat some normal food! Noisy Oyster... I want some shrimp n grits please!!! LoL!!!
So far its been so good... I guess... It certainly could be a ton worse. I've been in here 24 hours now and overall I'm ok. I havent had any naseau so far.... I did wake up in the middle of the night with my salivary glands HUGE and PAINFUL!! I've been drinking water, and sucking on my sour jolly ranchers, but it must not be enough. I look like a big fat chipmunk and I can only imagine what I looked like last night. I was in alot of pain last night. The swelling today is not near as bad but it still hurts. I guess I could show you a picture... but I look even worse than I did after surgery! LoL~
The nuclear safety guy came in again today and took some measurements with his geiger counter. Yesterday at 1' I was at 97, and today I'm at 17. He actually hung out with me and explained to me in detail about RAI and how I'll not "contaminate" anything after 2-3 days. Yes, I'll still radiate, but not contaminate. So I'll go home tomorrow and just as a precaution to help protect the kids, I'll stay quarantined at home until Monday. We will still send Chris to the daycare next week since he loves to hang out with me. The safety guys said by the end of that week I'll be more than fine to resume normal activity even with baby Chris.
I'll be SO happy to eat some normal food! Noisy Oyster... I want some shrimp n grits please!!! LoL!!!
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
It's D-Day... Destruction!!
I'm heading for my RAI this afternoon. I'm very very nervous. I hope they let me keep my laptop. The nuclear nurse said it was fine, but sometimes this place seems so unorganized I just have this horrible feeling they are going to take it away. I'm very tired as I didnt sleep much last night. Hopefully I'll be able to sleep through most of this. I just wish I knew how it all worked!! I wish I had a better understanding of how it spreads and how it would "infect" others. It just doesnt seem right that they are having me injest this radiation. My mind just cannot seem to get around it!!
I will tell you this much too... I AM SO HAPPY ONLY A COUPLE MORE DAY OF THE STUPID LID DIET!!! I did very good and didnt cheat at all. It was even quite easy the first week... week and half... but boy oh boy I've been tired of it for several days now. I'm ready for some freaking food!!!!
I'll post more later... as long as they dont take my laptop.
I will tell you this much too... I AM SO HAPPY ONLY A COUPLE MORE DAY OF THE STUPID LID DIET!!! I did very good and didnt cheat at all. It was even quite easy the first week... week and half... but boy oh boy I've been tired of it for several days now. I'm ready for some freaking food!!!!
I'll post more later... as long as they dont take my laptop.
Thursday, September 30, 2010
A Day Closer!
So, I've actually been on this, what I thought would be, IMPOSSIBLE diet for almost 2 weeks with no problem!!! I've been so good, have not cheated even a bite. The yummys that run around the house have not even bothered me at all.... although yesterday Phil's ramen noodles smelled oh so good! LoL!! Usually if I'm on a "diet" and there are brownies, well thats all I can think of! But I've had no ice cream, no real chocolate, no night time snack in almost 2 weeks!!! I'm SO proud of myself! This has taught me that I really do still have some will power left inside me. So, when I'm done with RAI, and my levels are where they should be, I'll be ready to jump onto the weight watchers wagon with full force... once again!
I have been getting excited about next week. Its the end of my tunnel... almost. I still cant stop thinking about how I quit smoking. I was not TOTALLY shocked by this dx of cancer. For about 3 years I've been "joking" that I must have cancer. The whole reason I quit smoking is because it made my body hurt. My lungs burned and entire chest one day decided they HATED me smoking. So, I quit. Just like that. Ok, ok, so I do have a few when I have a drink my beer... but the next day I hate myself for it. (On a side note, I've drank once since surgery and had half a cigarette and my mind, even after several beers, could not allow cancer into my body.) Most people that smoked 15+ years dont just quit. My body made me quit. I'm very nervous to have my full body scan after my RAI on the 15th. What if there is something in my lungs? What if this thyroid cancer is only secondary to lung cancer?? Ok, I'll stop!! My thyroid cancer was contained, and did NOT spill out of the thyroid at all. I need to chill!! But as my husband once told me, if I didnt have something to worry about, I would not be happy.
Honestly that is all just a very minor thought. I'm getting very excited to have my little escape to the mental ward of the hospital... I'm sure thats what it will feel like!! I'll be surrounded by plastic left to veg all alone! It would actually sound awesome if I were at the Ocean's One Resort in Myrtle Beach... but they wouldnt let me! LoL!!
A couple LID suggestions since I havent done that in awhile. Last night I made potatoe pancakes, they are under latkes in the cookbook. I assume thats German or something? Anyway - while probably not too calorie friendly... they were SO YUMMY!! Even my family ate them up! Being from Cincinnati, we had been missing our German festivals and potato pancakes! Also, in my oatmeal this morning I put a little vanilla and cinnamon in it... of course with my splenda... it was yummy. One thing I noticed this morning I havent touched are my plain rice cakes. I got them to use as bread for pb&j... but I just cant do it! LoL!!
I have been getting excited about next week. Its the end of my tunnel... almost. I still cant stop thinking about how I quit smoking. I was not TOTALLY shocked by this dx of cancer. For about 3 years I've been "joking" that I must have cancer. The whole reason I quit smoking is because it made my body hurt. My lungs burned and entire chest one day decided they HATED me smoking. So, I quit. Just like that. Ok, ok, so I do have a few when I have a drink my beer... but the next day I hate myself for it. (On a side note, I've drank once since surgery and had half a cigarette and my mind, even after several beers, could not allow cancer into my body.) Most people that smoked 15+ years dont just quit. My body made me quit. I'm very nervous to have my full body scan after my RAI on the 15th. What if there is something in my lungs? What if this thyroid cancer is only secondary to lung cancer?? Ok, I'll stop!! My thyroid cancer was contained, and did NOT spill out of the thyroid at all. I need to chill!! But as my husband once told me, if I didnt have something to worry about, I would not be happy.
Honestly that is all just a very minor thought. I'm getting very excited to have my little escape to the mental ward of the hospital... I'm sure thats what it will feel like!! I'll be surrounded by plastic left to veg all alone! It would actually sound awesome if I were at the Ocean's One Resort in Myrtle Beach... but they wouldnt let me! LoL!!
A couple LID suggestions since I havent done that in awhile. Last night I made potatoe pancakes, they are under latkes in the cookbook. I assume thats German or something? Anyway - while probably not too calorie friendly... they were SO YUMMY!! Even my family ate them up! Being from Cincinnati, we had been missing our German festivals and potato pancakes! Also, in my oatmeal this morning I put a little vanilla and cinnamon in it... of course with my splenda... it was yummy. One thing I noticed this morning I havent touched are my plain rice cakes. I got them to use as bread for pb&j... but I just cant do it! LoL!!
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
Thank you Lord!
I had a very trying day today. There were several things thrown my way that, at first, I wanted to get angry over. I seem to be grabbing the negative and I need to learn. Well I looked up to the Lord and told him to get me out of the hole... and get what... a bunch of wonderful thoughts and peace came to me. I figured out my solution. Was it easy - no - but it was SO enlightening!! We need to step back and look at the big picture of the fires we're asked to endure. All of the trouble and pain we go through makes us stronger, teaches us lessons, helps us to become better mothers, better wives, better people.
I certainly wish there were a way to go through life with no tears, but then we'd never learn any lessons that create our being! Thank you Lord for leading me through these fires! Thank you for giving me a wonderful husband and wonderful children that love me that will hold my hand as I walk on the coals.
I certainly wish there were a way to go through life with no tears, but then we'd never learn any lessons that create our being! Thank you Lord for leading me through these fires! Thank you for giving me a wonderful husband and wonderful children that love me that will hold my hand as I walk on the coals.
Feeling a Bit Better Today
I know yesterday I was in full force crying mode!! I'm a little better today. We're getting closer and closer to end... and I really do see light at the end of the tunnel!! 5 more days until my first thyrogen shot... then a week from now I'll be heading to the hospital for my I-131 dosage and quarantine. Once that is over with, I'll be able to start fine tuning my meds, and possibly feel better than I have in a very long time.
But, right now, I'm very very tired, so I think I'm going back to sleep this morning! :) I do want to share a link someone shared with me. It is a Thyroid Cancer Symposium by Light of Life Foundation titled 'What's New in Thyroid Cancer? A Day for Patients and Their Families'. The presentations towards the bottom really helped me to understand RAI, and our need to proceed. I'm sure the other presentations are just as informative!
http://www.checkyourneck.com/About-Thyroid-Cancer/Thyroid-Cancer-Symposium-Presentations
But, right now, I'm very very tired, so I think I'm going back to sleep this morning! :) I do want to share a link someone shared with me. It is a Thyroid Cancer Symposium by Light of Life Foundation titled 'What's New in Thyroid Cancer? A Day for Patients and Their Families'. The presentations towards the bottom really helped me to understand RAI, and our need to proceed. I'm sure the other presentations are just as informative!
http://www.checkyourneck.com/About-Thyroid-Cancer/Thyroid-Cancer-Symposium-Presentations
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
Someone Please Stop this Emotional Rollercoaster
All I can do is cry and cry!! I'm so tired. I think everything is finally catching up to me. I cant take being alone anymore. My husband doesnt help me, my kids barely do since he wont. I cant take all this on my own. I just want this over! I want a job! I want to feel better!! I'm so tired of being alone!!!! I'm so tired of having to accept this is how people treat me. When am I allow to expect help and appreciation. Heck, whats wrong with being able to expect a little extra stress relief and little extra love while I'm going through such a difficult time!?!?!?! Trust me I'd so rather be working 12 hours a day and doing NOTHING else, than dealing with EVERYTHING! My shoulders are so heavy... I just need someone to embrase me and truely help me. I JUST WANT THIS ALL OVER!!! I'M SO AT MY END!!! I CANNOT DO IT ANYMORE!!!
Monday, September 27, 2010
Start of Second Week of LID
Ok, so far the diet is really going good. I've had no ice cream for a entire week!!! And its not bothered me at all!! WOOHOOOO! I had my egg white scramble, veggie thingy for breakfast. Oh and another thing that is out of this world... REAL OIL POPPED popcorn!! I didnt have any brown paper bags to microwave my popcorn so I made it on the stove with oil. YUMM-O!!!
My voice still has me stressed out....The hardest part about it, is that I have to find a job.... which who is going to hire me if they cant even talk to me? Then the next thought is why would they hire someone with cancer to run their medical bills up the roof.
After moving here to SC about 10 months ago. I found a job about 6 months ago, through a temp service. My illness has had me missing days here and there due to doctor appts and such. And so... when I recieved my dx and treatment plan... and they found out I'd have to take 2 weeks off for surgery, and 2 weeks off for RAI, they decided they no longer could employ me. They said they needed me there 40 hours a week, and it had already put a stress on my work load the day here and there I missed for appts and testing. They could not go 2 weeks at a time without me there. I honestly did nothing in that office that couldnt wait 6 months!!! I think they only had funding through the summer, and decided to blame it on me instead.
ANYWAY- I need a job NOW. Our savings is depleated and we'll be homeless soon. I am honestly at my end of everything! I have no fight left in me. I have had a freaking life of weights on my shoulders and I give up. I honestly am at my end. I cannot take anymore. I dont even have the energy to send out my resume knowing if I'm lucky enough to receive a call, they will quickly dismiss my chance of employment just from the phone interview. Even being full voiced and confident, finding a job is so much hard work and interview and smoozing, and interview after interview. I just cant do it. I guess I'm going to look for a 2nd shift factory job. Even if it pays only $10 an hour, I wont have to pay for childcare, so whatever. I got do what I gotta do right?? Chris will be pissed that he will actually have to take care of the kids... and it will put a strain on our already strained relationship... but I'm about done with that too. The hardest thing will be Courtney... she will not like me working 2nd shift at all.
Just how do nervous breakdowns work?? How do people end up in the hospital?? I'd love to just check out of life and give up while receiving large amounts of interveinous drugs!! Ok, that just sounded so horrible. But, geez!!! I want to give up, I have no fight, but I have my kids that I have to take care of and love and ensure are safe. I think I'm having a nervous breakdown but yet, I'm still forced to function!!!
So, do I need more synthroid, or am I just absolutely crazy?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?
My voice still has me stressed out....The hardest part about it, is that I have to find a job.... which who is going to hire me if they cant even talk to me? Then the next thought is why would they hire someone with cancer to run their medical bills up the roof.
After moving here to SC about 10 months ago. I found a job about 6 months ago, through a temp service. My illness has had me missing days here and there due to doctor appts and such. And so... when I recieved my dx and treatment plan... and they found out I'd have to take 2 weeks off for surgery, and 2 weeks off for RAI, they decided they no longer could employ me. They said they needed me there 40 hours a week, and it had already put a stress on my work load the day here and there I missed for appts and testing. They could not go 2 weeks at a time without me there. I honestly did nothing in that office that couldnt wait 6 months!!! I think they only had funding through the summer, and decided to blame it on me instead.
ANYWAY- I need a job NOW. Our savings is depleated and we'll be homeless soon. I am honestly at my end of everything! I have no fight left in me. I have had a freaking life of weights on my shoulders and I give up. I honestly am at my end. I cannot take anymore. I dont even have the energy to send out my resume knowing if I'm lucky enough to receive a call, they will quickly dismiss my chance of employment just from the phone interview. Even being full voiced and confident, finding a job is so much hard work and interview and smoozing, and interview after interview. I just cant do it. I guess I'm going to look for a 2nd shift factory job. Even if it pays only $10 an hour, I wont have to pay for childcare, so whatever. I got do what I gotta do right?? Chris will be pissed that he will actually have to take care of the kids... and it will put a strain on our already strained relationship... but I'm about done with that too. The hardest thing will be Courtney... she will not like me working 2nd shift at all.
Just how do nervous breakdowns work?? How do people end up in the hospital?? I'd love to just check out of life and give up while receiving large amounts of interveinous drugs!! Ok, that just sounded so horrible. But, geez!!! I want to give up, I have no fight, but I have my kids that I have to take care of and love and ensure are safe. I think I'm having a nervous breakdown but yet, I'm still forced to function!!!
So, do I need more synthroid, or am I just absolutely crazy?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?
Sunday, September 26, 2010
Wow First LID Week Went FAST!!
I'm officially on my 7th day of LID. This week has gone by pretty fast. I'm very proud of myself and how easy its been. I guess I do have some will power inside me. DD14 made brownies the other night... GHIRIDELLI brownies... and I didnt touch a one!! I've enjoyed just about everything I'm eating. I'm getting just slightly tired of my oatmeal, so I'll take a break from that for a few days. Last night was first night for meat... and OMG it was SO good!! I baked a few chicken breast with skin on. They turned out perfect! I couldnt have but a very small piece of a breast, but it satisfied. With that had rice and veggies. I do like eating healthy... unfortunatley I like the bad stuff more... HA! Today I'm going to attempt a pot of beef stew. I'll not use any type of bullion, but I have my fresh and no salt tomatos, all my approved veggies, and some lean stew meat.... and probably LOTS of non-iodized salt and pepper! LoL!! Really the buillion is the only thing I'll be omitting from my regular way of making it.... hopefully we dont miss it. I'll make some beer bread to go along with it... YUM!
DH and DS17 are heading to the Charlotte BOA Stadium to see the Bengals/Panthers game. WHO DEY! They have really good seats near goalline and I'd give anything for them to actually get to meet a few of their favorites. One of our players, Chad Ochocinco, is known for finding Cinci fans on the road to jump into the stands with, even give TD balls to! That would be so AWESOME!!!!!! Go Bengals!
DH and DS17 are heading to the Charlotte BOA Stadium to see the Bengals/Panthers game. WHO DEY! They have really good seats near goalline and I'd give anything for them to actually get to meet a few of their favorites. One of our players, Chad Ochocinco, is known for finding Cinci fans on the road to jump into the stands with, even give TD balls to! That would be so AWESOME!!!!!! Go Bengals!
Friday, September 24, 2010
Day 5 of LID, Another Day Closer to RAI
Finally got ahold of the surgeons office to reschedule my appt that the doc cancelled yesterday... they cant get me in for... what did I say... 4 weeks. So they are going to have the nurse look and see where they can squeeze me in and call me back. Are you freaking serious???? Of course we know it will be scheduled for 2:00 on the 6th... an hour after my RAI treatment... LoL! Lord please give me strength. I truely running thin.
Here I sit at midnight... have to be AT the soccer field with DS6 at 8:30am. Casey is NOT a morning person and at this point I think I'd probably rather be sleeping too. Well, I told DH since he's getting up early Sunday to take DS17 to a Bengals/Panthers game... he could just sleep in tomorrow with the baby and catch up on sleep. Me and DD14 will take Casey to his game. Well I guess what he heard was.... Go ahead honey why dont you go ahead and go out and have a few beers..... Geez... hello! So, here I am taking care of everything as usual.... I know at first glance it might seem like I'm just depressed from lack of hormone, but no really, I need a break!!! Times like this make me very angry that I am dealing with this cancer bull!! I mean what in the hell did I do to deserve this cancerous blow while feeling so alone. Its bad enough I have no family here anywhere close to me. Its bad enough I have not made the initiative to make friends here. I have no one here. And I just feel like I'm in this big storm out in the middle of the Antartic with no freaking crew! Jesus I really need some relief here!! I know... its time to make the effort and commitment and find a church family.
On a positive note, I have been really good about my diet. And it really has not been that difficult. Maybe my will power is stepping up for once knowing the importance. I ordered pizza for everyone last night... and didnt touch a pepperoni one! And tonight we went to McD to let kids get ice cream and play. No ice cream, no fries, and Lord help me, no Frappe! But, I am getting tired of my no bake cookie oatmeal. I'm going to have to go to grocery for some new breakfast. My dinner tonight was a big plate of my bilati rice with mixed veggies... asparagus, broccoli, peppers, onions, and it was very good. I never had that type of rice before, and I really like it. I put alot of salt, pepper, and a bit of paprika in it... but would have LOVED to have just a few squirts of soy sauce!!! But, so far so good. And if you are discouraged about this diet... just know this... if I can do it... SO CAN YOU!! (of course I'm curious to see what I"m saying 5 more days from now! LoL!!
Here I sit at midnight... have to be AT the soccer field with DS6 at 8:30am. Casey is NOT a morning person and at this point I think I'd probably rather be sleeping too. Well, I told DH since he's getting up early Sunday to take DS17 to a Bengals/Panthers game... he could just sleep in tomorrow with the baby and catch up on sleep. Me and DD14 will take Casey to his game. Well I guess what he heard was.... Go ahead honey why dont you go ahead and go out and have a few beers..... Geez... hello! So, here I am taking care of everything as usual.... I know at first glance it might seem like I'm just depressed from lack of hormone, but no really, I need a break!!! Times like this make me very angry that I am dealing with this cancer bull!! I mean what in the hell did I do to deserve this cancerous blow while feeling so alone. Its bad enough I have no family here anywhere close to me. Its bad enough I have not made the initiative to make friends here. I have no one here. And I just feel like I'm in this big storm out in the middle of the Antartic with no freaking crew! Jesus I really need some relief here!! I know... its time to make the effort and commitment and find a church family.
On a positive note, I have been really good about my diet. And it really has not been that difficult. Maybe my will power is stepping up for once knowing the importance. I ordered pizza for everyone last night... and didnt touch a pepperoni one! And tonight we went to McD to let kids get ice cream and play. No ice cream, no fries, and Lord help me, no Frappe! But, I am getting tired of my no bake cookie oatmeal. I'm going to have to go to grocery for some new breakfast. My dinner tonight was a big plate of my bilati rice with mixed veggies... asparagus, broccoli, peppers, onions, and it was very good. I never had that type of rice before, and I really like it. I put alot of salt, pepper, and a bit of paprika in it... but would have LOVED to have just a few squirts of soy sauce!!! But, so far so good. And if you are discouraged about this diet... just know this... if I can do it... SO CAN YOU!! (of course I'm curious to see what I"m saying 5 more days from now! LoL!!
Thursday, September 23, 2010
Day 4 of LID and Post-Op Doc Appt 9/23/2010
I'm really tired this morning. My DS20mo, was up all night with a fever not feeling well. I'm heading to take him to the doc soon. Then I have a doc appt with my surgeon. In between the two appts I have to pick up my DS17 from school. Last night our 2nd car blew out its waterpump, so we're down to one car. OH JOY! Poor DS 17 just paid for his parking pass at school and had been driving himself! Poor guy is back to riding the bus at 5:00am!!
So far, I've been actually doing pretty well on my LID diet. I do not have the best will power when it comes to food, but I'm not really struggling at all....yet! I miss my milk in my coffee, and certainly hate not having bread, or ice cream, or cereal... but I've managed to substitute with some good food. Also, DD14 about made me cry... even she realizes how important this is. Every day she's been asking me how I've done on my diet that day. Then she looked me right in the eye and said "because you know mom, this isnt like weight watchers.... you cant cheat you know! This is serious and if you cheat on your diet, then your treatment wont work." Bless her heart... she really does love me!! Shes the only one that gets it... at least this crappy part of it. I have to be very conscious of everything that goes into my body so SHE can see me working hard on getting better.
So far my favorite for dinner has been my homemade pasta sauce. I got a bag of organic (no salt) vegetable pasta, and small cans of no salt tomato sauce and diced tomatoes. I sauteed some green pepper, onion, mushroom in olive oil and added my tomato sauce, non-iodized salt, pepper, garlic powder, oregano, parsley. It was DELISH! The pasta was awesome! I really enjoyed it! Actually the best part of that dinner was the beer bread I made. Super easy recipe, then I dipped it in olive oil/black pepper. YUM!! Maybe I'll get brave today and attempt real bread!?!?!?
So far my fave breakfast will probably also become my fave dessert. I made my real oatmeal... no milk or butter of course. Then decided I'd make it like a no bake cookie! I'm not much for measuring so you'll have to play with amounts but I added a couple spoons of sugar, couple spoons of LID approved peanut butter, and a spoon of cocoa powder. NOT Nestles... this is cooking cocoa powder from the bakery isle. On the side it will say 100% cocoa powder... and by itself its nasty. But OMG this breakfast was YUMMY!
I head to the surgeon today. I'm 4 weeks and a few days post-op. The scar is still raised and red, and has a few of the end of the inside stitches sticking out. But, I can tell over the course of the next year it will probably be nearly impossible to see. Actually with my voice the way it is, I secretly am glad you can see evidence of the surgery. I'm concerned with the lack of progress of my voice. This stupid doc better NOT dismiss it!! I cannot talk! I sound horrible, and have zero projection. If I'm in the other room and need to call the dog, or one of the kids, I am unable.... part of my voice/neck is paralyzed. If I need to go through a drive through and try to place an order, I end up frustrated and have to pull over and go in. If I need to call someone on the phone and there is any noise at all whatsoever in either my background, or theirs, I end up frustrated wishing I didnt bother with the call. I am not going to let Dr. Lentsch dismiss my voice distress. I'll drop in to let you know how it all goes.
Got a call from doc office this morning and my surgeon aparently had a family emergency and I needed to reschedule. I tried calling and never got an answer at the office itself. I did not want to call appt line because they wouldnt get me in for 3 months.
I'll try again tomorrow.......
So far, I've been actually doing pretty well on my LID diet. I do not have the best will power when it comes to food, but I'm not really struggling at all....yet! I miss my milk in my coffee, and certainly hate not having bread, or ice cream, or cereal... but I've managed to substitute with some good food. Also, DD14 about made me cry... even she realizes how important this is. Every day she's been asking me how I've done on my diet that day. Then she looked me right in the eye and said "because you know mom, this isnt like weight watchers.... you cant cheat you know! This is serious and if you cheat on your diet, then your treatment wont work." Bless her heart... she really does love me!! Shes the only one that gets it... at least this crappy part of it. I have to be very conscious of everything that goes into my body so SHE can see me working hard on getting better.
So far my favorite for dinner has been my homemade pasta sauce. I got a bag of organic (no salt) vegetable pasta, and small cans of no salt tomato sauce and diced tomatoes. I sauteed some green pepper, onion, mushroom in olive oil and added my tomato sauce, non-iodized salt, pepper, garlic powder, oregano, parsley. It was DELISH! The pasta was awesome! I really enjoyed it! Actually the best part of that dinner was the beer bread I made. Super easy recipe, then I dipped it in olive oil/black pepper. YUM!! Maybe I'll get brave today and attempt real bread!?!?!?
So far my fave breakfast will probably also become my fave dessert. I made my real oatmeal... no milk or butter of course. Then decided I'd make it like a no bake cookie! I'm not much for measuring so you'll have to play with amounts but I added a couple spoons of sugar, couple spoons of LID approved peanut butter, and a spoon of cocoa powder. NOT Nestles... this is cooking cocoa powder from the bakery isle. On the side it will say 100% cocoa powder... and by itself its nasty. But OMG this breakfast was YUMMY!
I head to the surgeon today. I'm 4 weeks and a few days post-op. The scar is still raised and red, and has a few of the end of the inside stitches sticking out. But, I can tell over the course of the next year it will probably be nearly impossible to see. Actually with my voice the way it is, I secretly am glad you can see evidence of the surgery. I'm concerned with the lack of progress of my voice. This stupid doc better NOT dismiss it!! I cannot talk! I sound horrible, and have zero projection. If I'm in the other room and need to call the dog, or one of the kids, I am unable.... part of my voice/neck is paralyzed. If I need to go through a drive through and try to place an order, I end up frustrated and have to pull over and go in. If I need to call someone on the phone and there is any noise at all whatsoever in either my background, or theirs, I end up frustrated wishing I didnt bother with the call. I am not going to let Dr. Lentsch dismiss my voice distress. I'll drop in to let you know how it all goes.
Got a call from doc office this morning and my surgeon aparently had a family emergency and I needed to reschedule. I tried calling and never got an answer at the office itself. I did not want to call appt line because they wouldnt get me in for 3 months.
I'll try again tomorrow.......
Start of LID Diet today...fun!! 9/20/2010
I will do my best to get my blog all caught up today so I'm able to give you a true picture of my feelings through the next couple weeks. I have a feeling this will be harder than recovering from surgery!!
I have to start my LID diet today. I know I can have fresh veggies, fruits, the insides a potato, egg whites, my coffee WITH NO CREAMER!!!!, and just a little fresh meat. I'm going to limit the meat intake as much as I can. I'm going to make an actual menu today and go to the grocery. I do have a few things on hand so I can be good this morning, but if I dont plan out every meal-even a snack-then I'll be more likely to want to cheat. When it comes to food, I was not given alot of will power, but I'm not given a choice in this. The statisics show people that have RAI after the surgical ablation of their thyroid almost never have reoccurance of their cancer. I have to do this diet, and I have to be successful. So mission for today.... find some recipes!
My voice is still basically non-existant. In the morning I "sound like me" but its a volume of about 2-3. I need to start looking for a job but I cant even get on the phone much less interview with anyone! I'm still trying to figure out what I want to be when I grow up... do I go the healthcare route which mean crazy hours that will not make my family happy... or do I go through the agony of finding another low paying admin route which means being unfullfilled. OR do I jump into school and see where that takes me.... which means, I'd still have to choose to work. Life is so complicated today!
I have to start my LID diet today. I know I can have fresh veggies, fruits, the insides a potato, egg whites, my coffee WITH NO CREAMER!!!!, and just a little fresh meat. I'm going to limit the meat intake as much as I can. I'm going to make an actual menu today and go to the grocery. I do have a few things on hand so I can be good this morning, but if I dont plan out every meal-even a snack-then I'll be more likely to want to cheat. When it comes to food, I was not given alot of will power, but I'm not given a choice in this. The statisics show people that have RAI after the surgical ablation of their thyroid almost never have reoccurance of their cancer. I have to do this diet, and I have to be successful. So mission for today.... find some recipes!
My voice is still basically non-existant. In the morning I "sound like me" but its a volume of about 2-3. I need to start looking for a job but I cant even get on the phone much less interview with anyone! I'm still trying to figure out what I want to be when I grow up... do I go the healthcare route which mean crazy hours that will not make my family happy... or do I go through the agony of finding another low paying admin route which means being unfullfilled. OR do I jump into school and see where that takes me.... which means, I'd still have to choose to work. Life is so complicated today!
Monday, September 20, 2010
Two Weeks Post-Op 9/14/2010
And here it is! The big reveal!! I woke up Sunday morning and the steristrips were halfway hanging off on either side. There was still some tack left from the superglue they used, so I tried to keep smoothing them back on. I kept that up until Tuesday when I decided to let the shower have its way!! It actually looks pretty darned good for only 14 days post-op!! 9/14/2010 Glad I didnt have anything clogging my nose! LoL!!
I am honestly ready for about anything this week. I'm ready to go! Oh... except my voice. Its still no better. Some mornings they say I "sound like myself" but within couple hours raspy and weak again.
I have confirmation.... RAI is scheduled. Start LID diet on Mon 9/20, Thyrogen Injection Mon 10/4, Thyrogen Injection 10/5, then according to pathology report RAI will be administered - 100mci. I told on myself for planning on going to a hotel for quarantine, and they said I should be admitted to the hospital. Because of my DS20mo, I do not feel I can go home to quarantine myself. How tortorous would it be if he knows I'm in that locked room but he cant get to me? So, hospital I go!
One Week Post-Op 9/7/2010
This is my first full fledge shower day! One full week since surgery. My neck actually does not look that bad! I dont understand what the steri-strips really are, but they seem to be holding my neck together! Hard to believe... but they are. It feels a bit bumpy like stitches. Oh they are on the underneath layer with the strips on top to seal it thinly. Ok! Go Doc!
Had my follow up with endo on 9/9/2010. As discussed, RAI will follow. I will continue to take my Synthroid, and go on the LID diet for 2 weeks, then receive 2 thyrogen injections instead of coming off my medicine!! WOOHOOOOOOOO!!!!!! He had my pathology report and the cancer was contained within the thyroid and had not metastisized to any lymphnodes. GOOD NEWS!! Because the cancer had not spread I was a good candidate for thyrogen injections. Ask your doc about it! He upped my dose of Synthroid from 88mcg, to 112mcg. He said it should be higher but he has to raise it slowly. I'm confident he will keep me feeling good once this is over. He has no problem bringing me in the office for labs often. He did not see to be very happy about my voice. He said I was still very hoarse and that damage would not be a good thing... stressed the importance of following up with ENT surgeon.
I sure hope my voice gets better. I am choking if I swallow liquid too quickly, well... at a normal speed for someone that did not just have surgery. The volume of my voice will not go past maybe a 2 or 3. If I try to project it, it simply will not work. I am reading stories of people needing injections in the cords, I hear continue to use your voice to "wake" them up, I also hear dont speak at all. Well if you know me, you know that last one is NOT an option! LoL! My house is so loud its so difficult to hold a conversation. I have to run around turning down the computer, and tv, and music, just to feel half sane. I'm not sure why my not having a voice has made my ears more sensitive to the noise though?? Ha! I'm still being very hopeful. It seems 3 weeks is a popular number for voices to return.... although I've heard 6 weeks, even 6 months!
Here we are 11 days post op. We needed to get out of the house. If you wonder if you can work after surgery... ABSOLUTELY! After all the stress we've been through the past couple months, this past week had actually been the best in awhile. Having surgery over with, and I'm now back home, and I know safe, and feeling pretty good... it was very comforting to me I could finally exhale and breathe!! I still have my steri-strips on but in a dark bar, and my hair hanging, you could barely see it. I just couldnt talk to anyone the entire night!!! LoL!!! We actually had a VERY good night that night. That week going into the weekend, I honestly felt really really good. I even contemplated... just for a second... going kayaking! LoL!!
My Wonderful Family
My husband was more than supportive when I was in the hospital. Even all the kids really pitched in to help him out... at least he said they did!! Poor guy was driving home, downtown, home, downtown, 3 times a day. He came first thing in morning after getting kids off the bus, Leave to get the off the bus, back down for kids to see me, leave again to get them home and asleep, and then come back down to stay the night.... then he'd get up at 5am to get home to get them ready for school and on the bus. I believe that is certainly more domestic work than he's had to do in our 14 years of marriage. I know it was very hard on him... but he got it done! I love you Christopher Brown!!
The older kids would have to sleep with the small ones and keep them asleep... they would have to help in the morning to make sure there were clothes and bags packed for everyone. Philip and Courtney were amazing! I would have had to stay in the hospital all by myself at night if they would not have stepped up to help and do what other family members should be here with us doing! Thank you so much kids! I love you Philip and Courtney Brown!!!!
This entire experience was very difficult to go through...and add that we are 600 miles from our family. That compounded everything for everyone. It certainly made it harder physically, emotionally, and mentally! I thank the Good Lord for my wonderful husband and children that keep me going every day! He has blessed me with the most wonderful gift!!! What else could I possibly need than their love?
When I finally got to go home on Friday they continued to take care of me. They cooked, and cleaned up the house, and even changed every diaper!!! I didnt lift a finger all weekend! Its even a holiday weekend and no one complained or moaned about not doing anything. They took such good care of me!!!
The older kids would have to sleep with the small ones and keep them asleep... they would have to help in the morning to make sure there were clothes and bags packed for everyone. Philip and Courtney were amazing! I would have had to stay in the hospital all by myself at night if they would not have stepped up to help and do what other family members should be here with us doing! Thank you so much kids! I love you Philip and Courtney Brown!!!!
This entire experience was very difficult to go through...and add that we are 600 miles from our family. That compounded everything for everyone. It certainly made it harder physically, emotionally, and mentally! I thank the Good Lord for my wonderful husband and children that keep me going every day! He has blessed me with the most wonderful gift!!! What else could I possibly need than their love?
When I finally got to go home on Friday they continued to take care of me. They cooked, and cleaned up the house, and even changed every diaper!!! I didnt lift a finger all weekend! Its even a holiday weekend and no one complained or moaned about not doing anything. They took such good care of me!!!
At The Hospital - Beware-Yucky Pics!
They performed a total thyroidectomy and central neck dissection, removing 10 lymph nodes. My stay in the hospital was a total 4d/3n getway... yeah right! My surgeon told me it could be 1-2 days depending on my calcium levels. I dont think they ever had to give me any calcium, but they did have to give me potassium several times. I'm not sure if I was just low or if it had something to do with surgery? All of the doctors and nurses were wonderful. The nurses were coming in every 4-6 hours to draw blood to monitor my calcium. That was no fun, but they came in, they were helpful, and then got out of our way.
I did recieve a drain tube. I know these are controversial, but I am glad I got one. There was ALOT of nasty crap that came out of it that otherwise would have just been recycled back through my body. The tube is why I stayed the 2nd and 3rd night.... the 2nd night their choice, 3rd night mine. My DS20mo is very curious and demanding and FAST and would have ripped that thing out of my neck!! Besides this is my getaway... right?!?!?! LoL!!
This is how I was feeling.....
But I was trying to feel like this.....
Thank you for the beautiful flowers Julie! I <3 YOU!!!
I did recieve a drain tube. I know these are controversial, but I am glad I got one. There was ALOT of nasty crap that came out of it that otherwise would have just been recycled back through my body. The tube is why I stayed the 2nd and 3rd night.... the 2nd night their choice, 3rd night mine. My DS20mo is very curious and demanding and FAST and would have ripped that thing out of my neck!! Besides this is my getaway... right?!?!?! LoL!!
This is how I was feeling.....
But I was trying to feel like this.....
Thank you for the beautiful flowers Julie! I <3 YOU!!!
Surgery Day!!! 8/31/2010
I woke up this morning and found myself in bed. I must have broken down and went upstairs to bed knowing I needed held through the night. I cant explain how I felt... but I can even still feel it now. Anger for having to go through this, anger for no one babying me as much as I wanted, fear of surgery itself, fear of anesthesia, worried about how my family would survive without me, worried how bad my scar would look, worried about insurance fighting to pay, worried if I'll be able to talk, happy to be getting on with it, simply pissed off that this is happening to me.
But, my husband and kids woke up with a wonderful loving demeanor. They put me fully at ease!! DD14 wanted to go to the hospital during surgery so we let her stay home from school. She likes to be on top of the action... I'm sure she will be the control freak her mama is... poor thing! DS16 went to school... we got DS6 on the bus for school... and then started getting ready. Chris and Courtney were being very loving and I was actually MUCH less upset than just a few short hours prior. We dropped off DS1 at daycare and headed downtown.
Of course we sit on the highway... after 30 mins and only 1 mile I had to call the hospital and tell them I'd likely be late. They understood and we continued. We finally found the hospital, confused where to park, all turned around. The MUSC hospital is a large campus. We found the parking garage, and after help, we found the door to the surgery admittance. The waiting room was full. They had a neat system that Courtney and Chris could check on a big TV to see my progress.
The next 10 mins were agonizing. Wait to be called back. Wait... wait... what time is it... oh only 3 mins later than last time...LoL! "CARRIE BROWN"... deep breath!!! I have to go back by myself so they can get me prepped... then family can come back to say good BYE... eerrr I mean LUCK!! LoL!
But, my husband and kids woke up with a wonderful loving demeanor. They put me fully at ease!! DD14 wanted to go to the hospital during surgery so we let her stay home from school. She likes to be on top of the action... I'm sure she will be the control freak her mama is... poor thing! DS16 went to school... we got DS6 on the bus for school... and then started getting ready. Chris and Courtney were being very loving and I was actually MUCH less upset than just a few short hours prior. We dropped off DS1 at daycare and headed downtown.
Of course we sit on the highway... after 30 mins and only 1 mile I had to call the hospital and tell them I'd likely be late. They understood and we continued. We finally found the hospital, confused where to park, all turned around. The MUSC hospital is a large campus. We found the parking garage, and after help, we found the door to the surgery admittance. The waiting room was full. They had a neat system that Courtney and Chris could check on a big TV to see my progress.
The next 10 mins were agonizing. Wait to be called back. Wait... wait... what time is it... oh only 3 mins later than last time...LoL! "CARRIE BROWN"... deep breath!!! I have to go back by myself so they can get me prepped... then family can come back to say good BYE... eerrr I mean LUCK!! LoL!
Day Before Surgery! 8/30/2010
I am an emotional mess ... I wanted a family picture over the weekend before I got my surgery. One last picture without looking like Frankenstein. Well, it didnt happen, and no one helped me make it happen. I just dont understand why it seems as though no one ever puts effort into anything for ME. Something that was so important to me.... I cant really remember the last time that I specifically asked my family for anything... I told them I really needed a family picture over the weekend. But, I didnt make the appointment at a convenient time for everyone... and no one went out of their way to help me make it happen.
So, I guess we have one last chance Monday night right??? WRONG! Not many picture places are open past 6:00pm on Mondays for some reason, and the couple I found that were, had no openings. So, I freaked out on everyone. I never ask my family for anything so specifically and yet apparently it doesnt matter. I cried for hours.... I was so hurt and scared and pissed off! Here I was 12 hours from having my throat slashed and my husband did not make this happen for me. WTF! This did not put me into a great place.... and certainly not into a great place to get my body ready for surgery in the morning.
Why couldnt I just let this go? I needed to be relaxed and give my body the best chance to go into surgery in the morning. I needed to rest. But instead my hyper insane head just wanted to cry. And of course that just made everyone push me away more. So, I took my night before shower as instructed and slept on the couch alone.... crying till about 2am.
So, I guess we have one last chance Monday night right??? WRONG! Not many picture places are open past 6:00pm on Mondays for some reason, and the couple I found that were, had no openings. So, I freaked out on everyone. I never ask my family for anything so specifically and yet apparently it doesnt matter. I cried for hours.... I was so hurt and scared and pissed off! Here I was 12 hours from having my throat slashed and my husband did not make this happen for me. WTF! This did not put me into a great place.... and certainly not into a great place to get my body ready for surgery in the morning.
Why couldnt I just let this go? I needed to be relaxed and give my body the best chance to go into surgery in the morning. I needed to rest. But instead my hyper insane head just wanted to cry. And of course that just made everyone push me away more. So, I took my night before shower as instructed and slept on the couch alone.... crying till about 2am.
Surgery is Scheduled! 8/2010
Friday, Aug 20 - Waiting on call with confirmation of scheduled TT...
Monday, Aug 23 - I'm finally called with all the details of my surgery. I hate how all the doctors down here in SC make you wait on them to schedule all of your appointments. Why cant I just do it myself and get it over with. So, surgery...It will be next Tuesday. Wow. Ok. Its here. I'm scared. I'm ready to get it over with. I need to get laundry caught up. I need to call the daycare to get baby Chris schedule for a drop in. I need to get a menu put together for the family to eat. Wait why is this extra work on me? Oh, I'm the mom. Duh.
The rest of this week was absolute mental hell on me. All I could do is think about having my neck sliced open. All I could think about is how unfair it was for me to be going through this. I was very negative this week. It was very difficult for me to be positive. Here I am 600 miles away from anyone that cares.... and then convinced myself no one would care if I were home in Cincinnati either, so what was the difference. I was angry and scared beyond belief. I was a complete horror of a person to my husband and kids. I needed them more than ever, but made myself a bear to be around. This is not the first surgery I ever had, but all I could do is dwell on what bad could happen. All I could do is dwell on the risks. Knowing this surgery had a more than satisfactory outcome I still only wanted to think of the negative. My husband was not being what I thought he should. I was simply angry this week. I cried all week long and made it nearly impossible for anyone to be around me. Even the people in the various thyroid forums that I posted in, felt my anxiety and were telling me to please settle down.
The anxiety of this week is what prompted me to make this blog. It helped me tremendously to hear everyone else's story so I figured I'd lay mine out there for everyone to see. If you are one of the calm cool and collected ones out there that deal with stress then you'll probably think I'm half crazy. Because that nasty C word truely has pushed me over the edge of sanity!
So here I am.... the last night I'll ever have to be out without looking like Frankenstein. It was incidentilly NOT a great night. You'd think the night would have been all about me but who am I to think anything should be about me??? But of course instead of going with the flow I threw a fit... and "CHOOSE" not to have fun that night. Well I have a smile so I must have started the night off in a good mood.
Monday, Aug 23 - I'm finally called with all the details of my surgery. I hate how all the doctors down here in SC make you wait on them to schedule all of your appointments. Why cant I just do it myself and get it over with. So, surgery...It will be next Tuesday. Wow. Ok. Its here. I'm scared. I'm ready to get it over with. I need to get laundry caught up. I need to call the daycare to get baby Chris schedule for a drop in. I need to get a menu put together for the family to eat. Wait why is this extra work on me? Oh, I'm the mom. Duh.
The rest of this week was absolute mental hell on me. All I could do is think about having my neck sliced open. All I could think about is how unfair it was for me to be going through this. I was very negative this week. It was very difficult for me to be positive. Here I am 600 miles away from anyone that cares.... and then convinced myself no one would care if I were home in Cincinnati either, so what was the difference. I was angry and scared beyond belief. I was a complete horror of a person to my husband and kids. I needed them more than ever, but made myself a bear to be around. This is not the first surgery I ever had, but all I could do is dwell on what bad could happen. All I could do is dwell on the risks. Knowing this surgery had a more than satisfactory outcome I still only wanted to think of the negative. My husband was not being what I thought he should. I was simply angry this week. I cried all week long and made it nearly impossible for anyone to be around me. Even the people in the various thyroid forums that I posted in, felt my anxiety and were telling me to please settle down.
The anxiety of this week is what prompted me to make this blog. It helped me tremendously to hear everyone else's story so I figured I'd lay mine out there for everyone to see. If you are one of the calm cool and collected ones out there that deal with stress then you'll probably think I'm half crazy. Because that nasty C word truely has pushed me over the edge of sanity!
So here I am.... the last night I'll ever have to be out without looking like Frankenstein. It was incidentilly NOT a great night. You'd think the night would have been all about me but who am I to think anything should be about me??? But of course instead of going with the flow I threw a fit... and "CHOOSE" not to have fun that night. Well I have a smile so I must have started the night off in a good mood.
Thursday, September 9, 2010
The Surgeon - 8/19/2010
Thursday, my birthday, Chris and I go to meet yet another doctor. He is Eric Lentsch- an ENT surgeon, specializing in head, neck cancer- thyroid, parathyroid minimally invasive surgery. He is one of the best in his field in the country, and performs sugeries such as mine 4-5 times a week. He is very confident, but extremely gentle and holds a very down to earth demeanor... especially for a surgeon. He explains everything in great detail. I dont even think I had any questions for him by the time he was done talking. We would be receiving a call from his scheduler the next day to confirm date of TT.
This was the most relaxed that I have been in 3 months! I finally had the closure I needed to know what was going on. The waiting, not knowing, wondering, worrying... it is now over. We can now deal with that word... that nasty nasty word... CANCER! Yes, its very curable... its NOT a death sentence... but the word alone is disgusting!
Happy Birthday to me......
This was the most relaxed that I have been in 3 months! I finally had the closure I needed to know what was going on. The waiting, not knowing, wondering, worrying... it is now over. We can now deal with that word... that nasty nasty word... CANCER! Yes, its very curable... its NOT a death sentence... but the word alone is disgusting!
Happy Birthday to me......
The Official Diagnosis - 8/17/2010
Tuesday, August 17, 2010 - My husband and I go to see Dr. Kwon. I know what we're about to discuss. Chris is not so certain... at least he's trying to remain positive for me. As suspected... Biopsy samples have been examined and it has been determined that I have Papillary Thyroid Cancer. The gland must come out, followed by a WBS, and then RAI to kill off any remaining tissue.
I was referred to an ENT surgeon, to be seen on Thursday, which happens to be my birthday. Oh joy!
I was referred to an ENT surgeon, to be seen on Thursday, which happens to be my birthday. Oh joy!
The New Endo - 8/2010
The week I was told my doc no longer existed was very dramatic on me. I didnt understand why he didnt tell me he was leaving the practice? I was becoming bitter thinking that if I were still in Cincinnati there would be plenty of excellent doctors to choose from. But, no, I am down here in South Carolina, 600 miles away from anyone that cares.
The day comes that I need to meet with the new doc- Dr. Kwon. I make my husband come because I'm honestly a total basketcase! I dont think I could remember a word the guy says. He was very nice and comforting. He also agreed with the dx of Graves, but did not feel we could proceed to treat the Graves until we knew if the nodules were cancerous or not. If it is not cancer, then we have treatment options. If it comes back positive for ca, then it must be removed. He scheduled me for a FNA biopsy the following Tuesday.
Biopsy Day! As crazy as my head has been, I'm sure you can only imagine what I was going through today. We opted for my husband to go to work, because we knew he'd have to miss several days for any procedure I'd have to go through. My oldest son, Philip, drove me to doc office. I was very nervous. Phil was such a trooper! He even went in the room with me, and watched the docs every move. I was also very lucky and had a wonderful nurse that held my hand and had the most loving, understanding eyes. She really seemed to care that I was scared. She held my hand and tightened down to let me know it was all going to be fine. Tears ran down my face as he removed part of my body for examination. I had myself so geared up for it to be so painful, but I dont think I felt a thing. He went in one more time for another sample. Again, I felt nothing. Sample is good.... results should be back by Thursday or Friday.
Hurry up and wait... and wait... and wait....
The nurse called me on Friday and informed me the doc wanted to go over my test results in the office on Tuesday at 11. Well, I knew what that meant.....
The day comes that I need to meet with the new doc- Dr. Kwon. I make my husband come because I'm honestly a total basketcase! I dont think I could remember a word the guy says. He was very nice and comforting. He also agreed with the dx of Graves, but did not feel we could proceed to treat the Graves until we knew if the nodules were cancerous or not. If it is not cancer, then we have treatment options. If it comes back positive for ca, then it must be removed. He scheduled me for a FNA biopsy the following Tuesday.
Biopsy Day! As crazy as my head has been, I'm sure you can only imagine what I was going through today. We opted for my husband to go to work, because we knew he'd have to miss several days for any procedure I'd have to go through. My oldest son, Philip, drove me to doc office. I was very nervous. Phil was such a trooper! He even went in the room with me, and watched the docs every move. I was also very lucky and had a wonderful nurse that held my hand and had the most loving, understanding eyes. She really seemed to care that I was scared. She held my hand and tightened down to let me know it was all going to be fine. Tears ran down my face as he removed part of my body for examination. I had myself so geared up for it to be so painful, but I dont think I felt a thing. He went in one more time for another sample. Again, I felt nothing. Sample is good.... results should be back by Thursday or Friday.
Hurry up and wait... and wait... and wait....
The nurse called me on Friday and informed me the doc wanted to go over my test results in the office on Tuesday at 11. Well, I knew what that meant.....
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
The FIRST Endocrinologist - 7/2010
After having all of those results, and calls, and total confusion, I took a few weeks off from looking on the internet, or even thinking about my sickness. I had almost a month for a visit with the endo, so I needed a break. MUCH NEEDED!!!
July 19 - Endo, Alele, looked through all my labs, agree with the diagnosis of Graves, gave me my choices to "cure" me. I could stay on anti-thyroids for awhile, but with my antibodies so high he did not feel I was a candidate for going into remission. Other real choices were RAI Ablation, or Surgical Ablation, TT. He needed to get my levels closer to nornal for either procedure I choose. So, he re-ordered lab work before giving me new prescription instruction. Because of the hives caused from the methimazole (meth), he said he'd probably put me on PTU. He also said if I choise the RAI, he would want to do a biopsy to determine if the nodules were cancerous. If I were going to remove it anyway, then pathology could get ahold of it once it had been removed. He also made it clear that because of the nodules I was NOT to take this lightly. He wanted me to make my choice without delay. He said he would give me one week.
Dr. Alele was wonderful and made me feel that he would help me become knowledgable about each procedure without forcing one upon me, he would sit and listen to me. He made sure I had every question answered, and even said I could call him. He did not rush me. I thought maybe I got a good doc... now I'm not so sure. A week later I called his office with a number of questions to help me decide which ablation procedure would be better for me and my family. No one would help me. I couldnt get a straight answer from anyone. Finally after 3 days on the phone trying to get ahold of Dr. Alele, I find out the prior week was his last week to practice here in Charleston. ..
WHAT?!?!?!
For the first 2 days they didnt even want to tell me he was no longer practicing. I wonder what happened? But my priority is my own illness. Can someone please answer my questions so I can make a decision? Can someone please tell me if I need to get back on my meds?? Oh, you have the lab results in... and my levels are creeping toward normal. What does that mean? Oh wait there is no one to tell me. Oh, you can get me in Sept 28th... wait do you realize just last week I was told I could have cancer. Please help me find out!
So after several days of pleading, and begging, and bit(hing... they squeezed me in with another endo in the same practice. It was in a different office across town... but I didnt care to drive over there! I just wanted to be seen. My new appt would be with Dr. Kwon... scheduled for Aug 5th.... whew, ty!
July 19 - Endo, Alele, looked through all my labs, agree with the diagnosis of Graves, gave me my choices to "cure" me. I could stay on anti-thyroids for awhile, but with my antibodies so high he did not feel I was a candidate for going into remission. Other real choices were RAI Ablation, or Surgical Ablation, TT. He needed to get my levels closer to nornal for either procedure I choose. So, he re-ordered lab work before giving me new prescription instruction. Because of the hives caused from the methimazole (meth), he said he'd probably put me on PTU. He also said if I choise the RAI, he would want to do a biopsy to determine if the nodules were cancerous. If I were going to remove it anyway, then pathology could get ahold of it once it had been removed. He also made it clear that because of the nodules I was NOT to take this lightly. He wanted me to make my choice without delay. He said he would give me one week.
Dr. Alele was wonderful and made me feel that he would help me become knowledgable about each procedure without forcing one upon me, he would sit and listen to me. He made sure I had every question answered, and even said I could call him. He did not rush me. I thought maybe I got a good doc... now I'm not so sure. A week later I called his office with a number of questions to help me decide which ablation procedure would be better for me and my family. No one would help me. I couldnt get a straight answer from anyone. Finally after 3 days on the phone trying to get ahold of Dr. Alele, I find out the prior week was his last week to practice here in Charleston. ..
WHAT?!?!?!
For the first 2 days they didnt even want to tell me he was no longer practicing. I wonder what happened? But my priority is my own illness. Can someone please answer my questions so I can make a decision? Can someone please tell me if I need to get back on my meds?? Oh, you have the lab results in... and my levels are creeping toward normal. What does that mean? Oh wait there is no one to tell me. Oh, you can get me in Sept 28th... wait do you realize just last week I was told I could have cancer. Please help me find out!
So after several days of pleading, and begging, and bit(hing... they squeezed me in with another endo in the same practice. It was in a different office across town... but I didnt care to drive over there! I just wanted to be seen. My new appt would be with Dr. Kwon... scheduled for Aug 5th.... whew, ty!
Ultrasound and Thyroid RAIU 5,6/2010
My primary care doc, Giove, made me an appt with an endocrinologist. My appt with Dr Alele is not until July 17, so he wants to start the testing he knows will be necessary to get things moving along.
Sent for an ultrasound. At this point I was extremely anxious, reading way too much Internet. I was practically an expert! So, I made it through the visit alone. Of course the little girl would not give me any indication what she was finding. Once the radiologist read her report, The determination was not normal... well... that's not quite what I was expecting.... I really expected a little scare to find out all is well. BUT-
Ultrasound indicated one solid nodule in right lobe 1.3x1.5cm, and one exophytic solid nodule 1cm with cystic components in left lobe. Said thyroid enlarged and exceeding 2 cm and heterogeneous echo pattern. OMG I HAVE CANCER?!?!?!?! Does anyone know what all of that means?? From Giove, I got the big line of 95% of nodules come back benign and he's sure there is nothing wrong. We now want to do a nuclear scan to see what part of the thyroid is hyperactive. If the nodules are hyper they could take just those parts, etc etc etc. So, what I read online, this scan can be helpful diagnostically for cancer. But also read they want you with no meds for this scan... I call Giove to verify if I should be on or off the meds but am instructed to continue to take them.
June 8th the hospital calls to confirm instructions for my scan on Thursday and Friday. I've already been waiting 3 weeks for this test, and its finally here. I will soon have closure! But, they figure out I'm on my methimazole (meth), and notify me that we must reschedule to get the meds out of my system. You can imagine how mad I am. I discontinue the meth, and wait yet another 2, almost 3 weeks for the new appt June 24, 25. After 3 weeks of agonizing mental torture, the days arrive. I wish I had thought to blog while going through this because there were days I just knew my husband and I were not going to make it through this. This Graves, Hyperthyroid, whatever you want to call it had officially made me crazy! If its making you crazy DO NOT beat yourself over it. It truly effects your ability to be rationale! I was constantly thinking of the effects of RAI ablation, Total Thyroidectomy, taking hormones for life. I was constantly reading on the Internet, hearing of horror stories of people taking years to get their bodies back to the levels they should. This disease was making me crazy!
Uptake Scan was at 28% at 4 hours (normal 5-15%), 52% at 24 hours (normal 15-30%). There were no focal areas of increases or decreased radiotracer activity to suggest a hot or cold spot. I agonized over this test thinking it would be the end all of answers I needed. I thought this was a very necessary test. But it really did not do much more than confirm the hyperactivity. It did not see any of the nodules that were found in the ultrasound, meaning they were operating at the same hyper level as the rest of the thyroid. So, I guess it all had to go. I think if asked today, I would opt out of this scan, and go straight to the biopsy. It just did not serve much purpose.
Now time to get back on my meds... or is it?
The week after my RAIU Scan Giove's nurse called me Monday to "give me my results". Says scan showed me having Graves and to continue my meds and come back in 6 months to have levels re-checked. First of all, no, should NOT have to wait that long to be rechecked... Second of all, now that I've been off the meth for almost 3 weeks, the hives were going away. So, I was being a little rebellious. But then, three days later, she called me again on Thursday (as if I never spoke to her) to "give me my results" saying the doc wanted to see me in the office because he wanted me on a beta blocker because I was so extremely hyper he knew I needed some help with symptons. At this point I'm ready to come out of my skin and quite disturbed. So which phone call did I receive the wrong information? I'm thinking I'll just wait to get on anything until I see my endo July 19.
Sent for an ultrasound. At this point I was extremely anxious, reading way too much Internet. I was practically an expert! So, I made it through the visit alone. Of course the little girl would not give me any indication what she was finding. Once the radiologist read her report, The determination was not normal... well... that's not quite what I was expecting.... I really expected a little scare to find out all is well. BUT-
Ultrasound indicated one solid nodule in right lobe 1.3x1.5cm, and one exophytic solid nodule 1cm with cystic components in left lobe. Said thyroid enlarged and exceeding 2 cm and heterogeneous echo pattern. OMG I HAVE CANCER?!?!?!?! Does anyone know what all of that means?? From Giove, I got the big line of 95% of nodules come back benign and he's sure there is nothing wrong. We now want to do a nuclear scan to see what part of the thyroid is hyperactive. If the nodules are hyper they could take just those parts, etc etc etc. So, what I read online, this scan can be helpful diagnostically for cancer. But also read they want you with no meds for this scan... I call Giove to verify if I should be on or off the meds but am instructed to continue to take them.
June 8th the hospital calls to confirm instructions for my scan on Thursday and Friday. I've already been waiting 3 weeks for this test, and its finally here. I will soon have closure! But, they figure out I'm on my methimazole (meth), and notify me that we must reschedule to get the meds out of my system. You can imagine how mad I am. I discontinue the meth, and wait yet another 2, almost 3 weeks for the new appt June 24, 25. After 3 weeks of agonizing mental torture, the days arrive. I wish I had thought to blog while going through this because there were days I just knew my husband and I were not going to make it through this. This Graves, Hyperthyroid, whatever you want to call it had officially made me crazy! If its making you crazy DO NOT beat yourself over it. It truly effects your ability to be rationale! I was constantly thinking of the effects of RAI ablation, Total Thyroidectomy, taking hormones for life. I was constantly reading on the Internet, hearing of horror stories of people taking years to get their bodies back to the levels they should. This disease was making me crazy!
Uptake Scan was at 28% at 4 hours (normal 5-15%), 52% at 24 hours (normal 15-30%). There were no focal areas of increases or decreased radiotracer activity to suggest a hot or cold spot. I agonized over this test thinking it would be the end all of answers I needed. I thought this was a very necessary test. But it really did not do much more than confirm the hyperactivity. It did not see any of the nodules that were found in the ultrasound, meaning they were operating at the same hyper level as the rest of the thyroid. So, I guess it all had to go. I think if asked today, I would opt out of this scan, and go straight to the biopsy. It just did not serve much purpose.
Now time to get back on my meds... or is it?
The week after my RAIU Scan Giove's nurse called me Monday to "give me my results". Says scan showed me having Graves and to continue my meds and come back in 6 months to have levels re-checked. First of all, no, should NOT have to wait that long to be rechecked... Second of all, now that I've been off the meth for almost 3 weeks, the hives were going away. So, I was being a little rebellious. But then, three days later, she called me again on Thursday (as if I never spoke to her) to "give me my results" saying the doc wanted to see me in the office because he wanted me on a beta blocker because I was so extremely hyper he knew I needed some help with symptons. At this point I'm ready to come out of my skin and quite disturbed. So which phone call did I receive the wrong information? I'm thinking I'll just wait to get on anything until I see my endo July 19.
The Beginning Diagnosis - 5/2010
In May of 2010 I went to a new doctor in our new city for a full exam. Doc did his thing, and I went home, that was that. About two weeks later I received a call from his nurse requesting that I come back to have more blood work drawn. She said I had a hyperactive thyroid reading. Well, being that I'm 50lbs over weight, I knew it had to be a mistake. Come to think of it, I did just loose 30lbs. But thats because The 2 years prior I had gained so much weight being laid off work, and depressed at home, then preggo. We just moved from Ohio to South Carolina and I was being more engaged in life. I was more active, and counting my points (calories), and I was trying to loose it. So, no, it had to be a mistake.
I went back in and he retested me. The new blood tests confirmed... yes I was hyperthyroid! Wow... I'm only 37, I'm not sick? Oh wait, for the past year I've felt like I was going through the change of life early. The hot sweats, moodiness, inability to sleep, decreased mensus, did I mention hot sweats? But, I'm not heading into menopause, I've got a sick thyroid.
Here were my initial lab results:
T3 231 (71-180)
TSI 545% (0-139)
TSH <0.006 (he said "practically untraceable") (0.45-4.5)
T4 free direct 2.82 (0.82-1.77)
He put me on Methimazole, an anti thyroid medication used to treat Graves Disease, the original diagnosis. The meds appear to be doing something. The biggest thing I've noticed is that I dont sweat constantly like I was before, and my ability to sleep more than an hour at a time has been heavenly. Its been a long time since I've been able to sleep through the night. Its still not a perfect nights sleep but 300xs better than it was. On the other hand, I now seem to be a bit cooler than everyone (not cold or extreme)... and my hair has started coming out in the shower. Not in clumps but enough for me to notice and stop from going to drain. I have these hives on my hands and elbows that make me look like I have leperacy. I went to doc to make sure these were not side effects of meds. I was told to continue to take them that its all just part of the disease.
Here's my big question - is it posible for me to have had this thyroid problem for years... and in hypo/hyper cycles? I look back on my life and see different times that I easily lost 20-30lbs. I see other times I gained the 20-30 lbs even within a months time. Also, these weight losses and gaines seem to be around my pregnancies and miscarriages. I have 2 miscarriages that happened to come right around the time I lost a bunch of weight. Then it seems with each and everyone of my viable pregnancies came right after a large weight gain. Could I have been going hyper, which I read can cause miscarriage, and then hypo, caused the weight gain but kept pregnancy viable? It also seems like my weight loss and gain also are during cycles of my period being very light, or heavy. I've always been very sensitive to hormonal medications. I've hardly ever even taken birth control because it makes me not feel right. Could all of those be signs of the thyroid, or am I just over analyzing the events of my life?
Also, I've had 2 seizures in the past years. My first one was about 8 years ago, I was at work with witnesses around. I most certainly seized and not fainted. I went to a neurologist that worked with me for almost a year, and was never able to figure out why I had it. He tried duplicating it with no success. He brushed it off as I must have fainted NOT seized. I was never put on anti-seizure meds. The second one was 8 months ago. Again, no reason. I was with my sister, and she said I most definately seized. Could those be caused by a swing in my thyroid?
With such a disease I have to contemplate removing or killing off a vital organ if these meds would not work to put my Graves in remission. Graves disease itself makes you very irritable, manic even! I was not sleeping, not thinking about anything but "being sick".
I went back in and he retested me. The new blood tests confirmed... yes I was hyperthyroid! Wow... I'm only 37, I'm not sick? Oh wait, for the past year I've felt like I was going through the change of life early. The hot sweats, moodiness, inability to sleep, decreased mensus, did I mention hot sweats? But, I'm not heading into menopause, I've got a sick thyroid.
Here were my initial lab results:
T3 231 (71-180)
TSI 545% (0-139)
TSH <0.006 (he said "practically untraceable") (0.45-4.5)
T4 free direct 2.82 (0.82-1.77)
He put me on Methimazole, an anti thyroid medication used to treat Graves Disease, the original diagnosis. The meds appear to be doing something. The biggest thing I've noticed is that I dont sweat constantly like I was before, and my ability to sleep more than an hour at a time has been heavenly. Its been a long time since I've been able to sleep through the night. Its still not a perfect nights sleep but 300xs better than it was. On the other hand, I now seem to be a bit cooler than everyone (not cold or extreme)... and my hair has started coming out in the shower. Not in clumps but enough for me to notice and stop from going to drain. I have these hives on my hands and elbows that make me look like I have leperacy. I went to doc to make sure these were not side effects of meds. I was told to continue to take them that its all just part of the disease.
Here's my big question - is it posible for me to have had this thyroid problem for years... and in hypo/hyper cycles? I look back on my life and see different times that I easily lost 20-30lbs. I see other times I gained the 20-30 lbs even within a months time. Also, these weight losses and gaines seem to be around my pregnancies and miscarriages. I have 2 miscarriages that happened to come right around the time I lost a bunch of weight. Then it seems with each and everyone of my viable pregnancies came right after a large weight gain. Could I have been going hyper, which I read can cause miscarriage, and then hypo, caused the weight gain but kept pregnancy viable? It also seems like my weight loss and gain also are during cycles of my period being very light, or heavy. I've always been very sensitive to hormonal medications. I've hardly ever even taken birth control because it makes me not feel right. Could all of those be signs of the thyroid, or am I just over analyzing the events of my life?
Also, I've had 2 seizures in the past years. My first one was about 8 years ago, I was at work with witnesses around. I most certainly seized and not fainted. I went to a neurologist that worked with me for almost a year, and was never able to figure out why I had it. He tried duplicating it with no success. He brushed it off as I must have fainted NOT seized. I was never put on anti-seizure meds. The second one was 8 months ago. Again, no reason. I was with my sister, and she said I most definately seized. Could those be caused by a swing in my thyroid?
With such a disease I have to contemplate removing or killing off a vital organ if these meds would not work to put my Graves in remission. Graves disease itself makes you very irritable, manic even! I was not sleeping, not thinking about anything but "being sick".
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